If someone wants to walk out of your life, let them go.
(Madea’s video above was on replay for me this past summer. Click the play button to hear and watch the audio/video, and the manuscript of it is below. My reflection towards this video is below the manuscript.)
This is what I learned all these years on this earth. If somebody wants to walk out of your life, let them go.
Especially if you know you’ve done everything you can do. You sat around and have been the best man or the best woman you can be and they still want to go, let them go. Whatever they’re running after, they’ll see what they had in a minute but by the end, its gonna be too late. Cuz you sit there and you go half this people you’ve been sitting around, crying about them, worrying about them, but two or three years from now you wont even remember their last name. How many times have you seen folks going, What the hell was I thinking? Let folks go, sonny.
Some people come in your life for a lifetime, some come for a season. You gotta know which is which. And you’re always going to mess up when you mix them seasonal people with lifetime expectations. They got people who got married with people they were only suppose to be with for a season and they’re wondering why they’re having so much hell in their life. That was suppose to be a person that was suppose to come and teach you one thing and you didn’t know it so you just fell in love and now you wonder why you ain’t got no peace nowhere you go.
No no. listen. I put everybody that come in my life in a category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. The wind blows, they’re over here, they’re unstable. It blows another way, they’re over here. Seasons change and they wither and die. They’re gone. That’s all right. Most people in the world are like that. They are just there to take from the tree. They are only there to take and give shade every now and then. That’s all they can do. But don’t get mad at people like that. That’s who they are, a leaf. Some people are like branch on the tree. You gotta be careful with them branches too cuz they will fool you. They’re gonna make you think they’re a good friend and they’re real strong, but the minute you step out there on them, they’ll break and leave you high and dry. But if you find two or three people in your life that are like the roots at the bottom of that tree, you are blessed. Those are the kind of people that ain’t going nowhere. They ain’t worried about being seen. Don’t nobody need to know they know you. They ain’t gotta know what they’re doing for you. But if those roots are not there, that tree can’t live. Do you understand? A tree can have a hundred million branches but only have a few roots down there at the bottom to make sure it gets everything that it needs. I’m telling you sonny, when you get you some roots, hold on to them. but the rest of them, let them go. Let it go. Let folks go.
Ain’t nobody said its gonna be easy. But it’ll get easier when you learn how to love yourself. When you get to a point in your life where you look at people and you go Ok, wait a minute. You or me. You WILL make a decision. I’ve never told nobody Don’t bother me anymore, don’t talk to me no more. I’ve never done it. But what I do, is I tell them Look, this thing you’re doing right here, that’s gonna cause a problem. You need to fix that cuz if were going to be friends and were gonna be cool, you gotta fix it. And if you don’t, then were gonna have an issue. If you see somebody fix it or even TRYING to fix it, then that’s somebody that cares. Keep them people around. That’s a leaf that’s trying to grow up and be something else. You understand? But if you tell somebody that what you’re doing is hurting me and I need you to stop it and they keep on doing it, they don’t care. Move on. Let them go. No matter how much it hurts, let them go. And it’ll get easier. I promise you. Everyday, it’ll get easier and easier and easier. You just gotta make it through. You hearin’ me sonny? You see, you gotta learn to be by yourself, sonny. People need to learn how to be alone. I don’t understand all these people oh I NEED somebody. Lawd where’s my man? Lawd where’s my wife? That is crazy as hell! If you don’t know how to be by yourself, what are you going to do with somebody else? Stop praying about it. Shut up and wait. Go work on you. Hell, that’s what that time is for. To get yourself together. I’d rather be in a corner, by myself, with a puppy and a goldfish and be happy than to be sitting around with somebody in my house and I’m wondering, what the hell are they there for?
You would be surprised of things people put up with just to have somebody say they love them. That’s crazy. I don’t understand that. I cant live in dysfunction. I’m sorry. You hear me sonny? Fa sho you better hear me fa sho.
One of the greatest and hardest lessons I had to learn in the year of 2017 was to let someone I loved walk away from me.
I believed, from the very bottom of my heart, that things could work, if I hoped and believed it enough. I wished so badly that if I put in enough effort, or showed the person how badly I wanted this dream to happen, that it could work. But I learned that sometimes love isn’t enough when you begin to lose yourself along the way of trying to keep pieces together.
Love only works when both people want to stay- and you have to respect the other person if they need to walk away.
I had everything going for me – graduate school, jobs, amazing friends, a career to look forward to, traveling opportunities, etc. But there was this one thing that wasn’t working out and it made everything else that was amazing feel as if they were blurry and sometimes even irrelevant.
Despite the excruciating pain of letting go, I needed to believe that I would come out on the other side happier and more fulfilled. I so badly wanted to be happy, but there were also so many days and hours where I just couldn’t get out of bed and every part of me was annoyed at the fact that I wanted to believe there was a brighter side.
There’s a point in life where you can fight for what you love- but there is also a point where you have to make peace with surrendering, and focus all of that energy of “fighting” and put it towards self love instead. It takes a lot of damn energy to fight for someone to stay.
The path to healing and finding your better self isn’t a straight paved road- rather, it’s a rollercoaster and its an everyday effort to see the brighter side of things. It does get better when you truly believe that things will get better.
For these past four months I’ve poured my energy into classrooms, lesson plans, volunteering, and solitude when needed. Every single day I needed to work on looking beyond “what was” and face “what is” and soon enough be excited about “what is about to be.” I’m at a point in life where I am happy and whole, but there is still a lot of work to do. There are days when I am back at step one, and need to remind myself that I need to let people walk away if it is what they want.
Finding peace within my solitude and the people who chose to be in my life every day is more than enough, and more than I could ever ask for.
I’m sharing this post with you because I want to keep everything real- I post photos of me smiling, laughing, probably even me dancing awkwardly somewhere in this world. And all of that is real! The other side of reality is that I’ve had my fair share of rollercoaster rides in this journey we call life.
Madea’s advice video was on repeat for me this past summer. I needed to remember, again and again, that I needed to work on myself first and foremost before even trying to be in a relationship.
I’ve noticed how much more I can love other people now, and be more attentive and present every day because I’ve chosen to work on loving myself and believing that I am enough no matter what happens. I still hold on to the fact that even though I lost someone that was a huge part of my life, I still have more than everything going for me.
I can look back at what happened and be grateful because my level of empathy and understanding towards people who go through this kind of pain is pretty high.
I want to share this story with you, because if I could help someone heal from their pain, brokenness, or feeling of loss, then all the pain I had gone through would all be worth it.
Is there someone or something that you know you truly should let go of, but still haven’t?