Growing into the woman that is currently writing this blog post has been quite painful and exhilarating.
This blog has existed for five years now, and the younger me five years ago was so different, yet still hold the same core values that I do today.
When I first began breaking the silence about my sexual violence journey through writing, blogging, and speaking, it was agonizingly painful, and brought back memories from the past.
There was no one there to guide me, or to tell me about what the experience of breaking the silence so publicly would be like. I did have the love and support of friends, and that mattered more than anything.
What mattered to me was knowing there are more individuals out there who are looking for ways to finally make sense of what happened to them. This process took me more than a decade, and it took years to accept, name, and uncover the truth for myself.
This blog post is fueled by my silence on social media these past few months pertaining to sexual violence. I’ve felt at a loss whether to continue this type of work, because it is so emotionally draining if you lose awareness of how much emotional labor you’re really sharing.
The Kavanaugh Trial has had me on different types of emotional roller coasters that tumbled me into silence.
Anita Hill and Dr. Ford spoke about their stories in front of the world and were ridiculed by many. Yet, they spoke because they needed to.
The younger me knew that silence against any injustice has never helped anybody, especially not in the political state that the USA is in right now.
There are days where I just want to live a quiet, peaceful life. Yet, as I write this blog post, I know that I am my most authentic self when I am honest about my experiences.
Sharing this healing journey with others has taught me many lessons, and has catapulted me into become even more curious about how we can create sustainable spaces of healing.
I know that there are still many stories that have yet to be spoken and heard.
It has been 13 years since I began to be a victim of child rape, and I am now 25 years old. I have a Masters Degree in TESOL, traveled a lot, and I have a teaching career that I cherish. Yet, as I keep moving forward, I am learning that I should never, ever forget where I came from.
How has the traumatic experience of child rape affected me, and how does it still affect me to this day?
There are days where I feel fierce, there are days where I feel completely apathetic, and there are days when I cannot eat anything or get out of bed.
The traumatic experience of child rape has fueled me to become an educator and to create trauma informed curriculum. I am currently working towards being able to facilitate workshops, in the hopes of training and educating people about sexual violence. I truly believe that our own communities can create spaces of advocacy, healing, and education.
Silence has never been the answer, and never will be.
When Kavanaugh was able to be covered up by his wealthy friends and protected by his status, I rolled my eyes and said “yup, just the way the world works.”
And there are days, like today, where I am shaken back to my values and say “NO, that isn’t how the world should work. People in power shouldn’t be able to get away with ruining human beings through sexual violence.”
I currently work with immigrants here in Chicago, and knowing what the statistics are (1 in 5 women will be raped or sexually assaulted in their lifetime). I walk into my classrooms knowing that 1 or 2 people may have been affected by sexual related trauma in their life.
I’m writing this blog post to inform my readers, family, and friends to say that I am not going to stop doing this important work.
We have a president who claims that “grabbing women by the pussy” is okay. We also still have people in our society that shrinks our experiences as if they are nothing, and the one that has to carry the burden is the one who has been harmed.
If you are a sexual violence survivor, darling, let me tell you this: take up space. Do not shrink yourself into nothingness. I’ve tried that, trust me. Even though it’s what the haters and non-believers tell you, making yourself smaller will not erase your trauma.
What will help heal your trauma is to speak about it, and then, my strong, courageous darling, you will be able to bloom.
Let me re-introduce myself to you.
Hello, my name is Aurora Lucas. I am a survivor of child rape. It has been 13 years since it happened, and I am still a warrior in the making. I acknowledge that this is an ongoing process, we all have our own journeys to uncover.
Nice to meet you.